Worried

I'm relieved to find out my friend Glenn (Brad) is ok. He was in Thailand on the beach when the tidal wave struck. He has written a little about it on his site Tripping with Brad.

Oh, One Last Thing...

Does anybody else find this as fucked up as I do? I guess you can get these "inspirational" drawings of Jesus hovering over a variety of people in different occupations.

1. I'm sorry, it's just a really cheesy artistic concept that would only work if it were satirical (it's not).

2. It's damn creepy.

3. What the hell is Jesus doing on that side of the Teller desk? Is he holding her up? He could have a gun to her back, you can't see his other hand after all.

O.K. Now I'm on my blog break.

Holidays

I'm taking a blog break for about a week I think. Have a fun holiday and such!

The Art House

We are slowly amassing nearly every sort of toy we could ever want. Between the cameras, guitars, turntables, mixer, drum machine, mic, and now a keyboard, the bedroom is slowly becoming more like some kind of studio and less like a place to sleep! We'd like to get a second computer, but that is going to have to wait.

Now, I just need to restock my more traditional art supplies. It's been awhile since I've really put myself into any sort of creative venture. I haven't even taken any photographs worth mentioning since the early summer. I think the cold weather has a way of making me feel very complacent and quite frankly, couch potatoish.

I'm considering going for an interview for a part time job at the racetrack. I like horse racing, and there's a Casino there too, and it's only for 13 hours per week so I think it's a good plan that will still leave me with lots of time for other things.

Yuck. I hate when I try to blog and I just end up reciting "what happened, will happen, is happening today". I'll try not to do it again.

New Discovery

This blog looks promising. Damn you Jeremy Anderson! I hope he continues the story, since Robert seems to have abandoned us all.

PFFT!

Just got back from my x-ray. So I still don't know what is wrong with my damn hand, because they don't tell you anything, they just send it all back to your doctor. I wonder if they will let me have the x-rays though? The timing of this is crap. I have a Christmas party to throw in 2 days, dammit!

I must admit, I do look funny though, like I might vomit or something, so that's ok. I think I might want to consider brushing my hair.

I guess you can tell I have nothing to say at the moment. I should get out of the house more. There's really only so much my own brain can provide as inspiration.

Just To Be Clear Here

Some of the stuff I write on this blog is not really personal. What I mean by that is that it is not neccessarily reflective of what is going on in my life at the time I write it.

One of the things that I sometimes do in my spare time is write, I mean beyond the blog stuff. I don't tend to write rhymes and maybe I don't even necessarily make sense. I do tend to write in a way that draws on past experiences as well as experiences/behaviours I have observed in others. I try to become a different person or at least a different version of myself when I write these things.

I just wanted to make it clear that I am not currently angry or sad or depressed or whatever the post below might convey. I am damn familiar with the feelings, no doubt about that, but my style more times then not is to write it down after I've worked it out.

Just so you know.

If I Had A Title, It Would Go Here

yeah sometimes I feel like I have a lot of anger, hell obviously I do
and it comes from all kinds of places, some of them the usual
some of them personal and horrible and none of your business
cause I don't like to be weak, and telling that story is weak
and really anyway, that's old and it's my responsibility
my responsibility to NOT BE ANGRY anymore

You think it should be easy because YOU want it to go away
and so I guess I'm a failure because I can't just do what you want
so that you can be what? MORE happy?
But you have to know that your words don't help.
NOT AT ALL.

Sometimes when you feel like being cold
I wonder if you know the comfort I take in affecting you
and I know that you are angry
but don't you get it? I made YOU take it for awhile

It's not like I don't know Happy
I know it, we're friends, or maybe acquaintances
that's more honest I suppose
But YOU don't know ME
do you realize that?

Do you care?

You Know

I should really design a proper and unique template for this blog instead of using the rather bland and overused one I have now courtesy of blogger but I'm too lazy and it mostly doesn't seem important, I guess maybe I need everyone to know that YES I do know how to do web design stuff but then I think HEY who cares if they know, and really now you know because I just told you so I don't have to prove it because I don't care about non-believers, and anyway like I said, I'm too lazy and also I have a damaged hand like maybe a dislocated bone or something like that and I can't get it looked at until tomorrow at 7 PM and that's quite a ways away and so it's pretty good I even typed anything here at all because it's my LEFT HAND and I am a lefty and also a TWO HANDED typist so it hurts to be typing here but I did it anyway because I am bored being at home alone with nothing but cleaning to do and that will be hard with only one hand as well, except for the toilet.

O.K. that's all.

Hey

What happened to my last post?

Trust

A rare commodity
it would surely trade high
if it could be bought and sold

I suppose to an extent it can be
depending what is offered for it

I wish it were not only for the rich
although in the end
I guess even their trust money runs out.

The Joys Of Comfort Food

Ah yes, comfort food. Which for me means ALL food. I go through these phases where I pretty much do nothing but sit around eating, watching tv, playing video games and taking baths. I normally do this when it gets cold outside, although this year I think I started plenty early. So the primary result of this porkeroo festival is that my face gets rounder (as evidenced above). I suspect other things are getting rounder too, but hell, I need the padding for winter!

I like to mix it up a little bit, chips, chocolate, a good, well stuffed sandwich... Below is my recipe for your own porkeroo party!


Porkeroo Party (most fun for one, less competition for the food. Items should be consumed in the order they are listed, except for beer)

1 12 pack beer (the cheap kind, you know the buck a beer kind if you are in my area)
2 bags of chips, preferably different flavours
1 Sara Lee cake (Vanilla is my favourite)
Cheese (to make grilled cheese or to add to other sandwiches)
1-2 Chocolate bars (I tend to choose Aero or Kit Kat)
1 - ? joints

At this point, repeat all of the above. Trust me, you'll want to.

If You're Feeling Down

remember this:

YOU were the strongest sperm.

You feel better, don't you?

I Think That Sometimes

when you share your relationship problems with others, you just end up looking like an idiot, and not only that, you tend to give your friends, family etc. a negative view on the person you are talking about.

I learned this lesson the hard way last year by being a bitch who ALWAYS shared relationship problems with friends and certainly reinforced negativity. It almost never promotes positivity, (and believe it or not, I do possess some of that, though I suppose you can't tell when you read this blog!) and it generally spoils the relationship and makes it difficult to return it to good if the other person knows you blabbed about it. I guess it's something we people feel the need to do, and it's hard not to, but I think it's wisest to keep that kind of stuff to yourself.

It's kind of like those couples who break up and get back together all the time and you hear about every incident. It makes them a laughingstock, and certainly nobody believes in the relationship, usually the people in the relationship stop believing in it too.

I'm thinking about this because of some personal stuff which I WON'T discuss, and because it was my ex-boyfriend's birthday yesterday and I realized that I did this to him. Sometimes it does seem that being alone might be best as it allows for perfect selfishness without hurting someone else, but at the same time, I guess that would be pretty lonely.

Ah whatever. I think when I try to talk about this stuff, I do a pretty bad job of it. I certainly wouldn't take advice from me!

Religious Profanity

So I'd really like to know the following:

Jesus H. Christ: Is this really swearing? What does the H. stand for? Did Jesus have such an embarrassing middle name he changed it to an initial?

Holy Shit: Is there something special about a holy shit as opposed to a regular shit? Does it smell less? Is it a welcome shit? Does it grant miracles?

God Dammit (and it's spelling variations): I don't see how this is swearing. You're simply asking God to damn something, and from what I can tell and from what lots of Christians seem to say, God is pretty into damnation. I think he probably likes this one, it keeps him busy and let's him know we care about all his hard work watching down on and condemning sinners.

Oh my God: This one seems pretty mild, but some people seem to consider it blasphemous. I don't understand it either way. It's an incomplete thought. When someone says "oh my god", that's usually the end of it. God must get pretty annoyed, it's like the heavenly equivalent of the prank caller I think. You call him, but you never let him know what it is you're calling for.

Anyway, I swear to god on a pretty regular basis. You may ask God to damn it if you like.

I Bet

there are men who go to sperm banks not because they want to do something for the childless, and not for the money, but because they are turned on by the idea of the nurses knowing what they are doing in that room.

Please Tell Me

some of you have as deep and profound conversations as I do.

Top Dog says:
Have you seen the newer ads for Walmart?
Tracey says:
not sure
Tracey says:
oh with the guy
Top Dog says:
With their new spokescookie named gingi?
Tracey says:
who sounds deaf or retarded?
Top Dog says:
no
Tracey says:
Oh that cookie thing
Tracey says:
ha yeah
Top Dog says:
yes
Tracey says:
it's annoying
Top Dog says:
sounds like gingivitis
Top Dog says:
i hate that
Tracey says:
yeah it's assinine
Top Dog says:
I'd step on him
Tracey says:
or eat him
Top Dog says:
no
Tracey says:
if he wasn't too dirty
Top Dog says:
he's been on the floor
Tracey says:
yeah that's what I was thinking
Tracey says:
you could break the legs off first though
Top Dog says:
i just dislike him
Tracey says:
me too
Tracey says:
grr

If You Pick Up Your Phone

and you call Dr. Phil to help you, I think it's time to give up the fight, dude.

Oh. No, I didn't call him. I was just thinking is all.

Rude Awakening

I feel like I have a lot to think about all of sudden, about relating to other people and figuring out what you really want in life. Should your ego feel this small after talking to someone who supposedly cares about you? How is it that discussions end up being about something entirely different than they started out as? Do people say what they really think when they are angry or do they blurt out stuff simply in anger? I think it just gives people the courage to say what they really think, and that is what is causing me to do a lot of thinking about things now.

I won't get into details and I probably shouldn't have posted anything at all, but I might not post for a few days because quite frankly, I'm feeling kind of pissed at the world and if not at the world well, at my world anyway, and I don't think I'm going to have anything much to say, and most likely I will just hide out at home and say nothing to anyone. I don't even feel like having the Christmas Party anymore because honestly, people tend to be more effort then they are worth and I'm not feeling up to it. I feel like I'm in a very bad position right now, so I need to do what I need to do to at least ensure that I do not end up screwed over when it all blows up (and it seems like that could really be the outcome).

Oh blah, blah, blah. I'm actually posting crap a girl would post for once. What a bore. Especially since you have no clue what I am going on about and I don't really intend to share as this post was simply for me to yack up my negative feelings. The End.

Dear Yahoo

Thanks for having those news article message boards that have developed into RedunDUNCE(y) clubs. Now, could you please post some stories about The Bat Boy or maybe even aliens or talking dogs so I can watch Americans make it about Liberals and Conservatives and homosexuals and Jesus?

Sincerely,

Me

I Enjoy Being Bored

Today I stayed home and it's really ugho outside meaning raining and wet and foggy and overall the poo. It is making me feel lazier and more useless than I normally am, not that this bothers me in any real concrete way, I just wanted to note the fact that I am aware of it.

I'm doing laundry and the sound of the stuff going around in the dryer is kinda soothing. For the first half hour anyway. After that, it's actually a little annoying, and in fact I become too aware of trying to pinpoint at just what moment that rumbling is going to stop. I suppose my boyfriend is going to think I sat at home all day doing nothing which is sort of right but not entirely because I did do laundry (as noted above) and I did some dishes although not as many as someone who likes washing dishes would have done. I also watched the E True Hollywood Story of Suzanne Somers, and I think that was time well spent. Did you know the Thigh Master made Billions?

Anyway, why do people worry about what other people do with their time? I think he probably doesn't think about it, I just think he does. Sometimes he sort of barges into the room without warning and it's loud and startles me and makes me feel nervous for about 15 min. after he does it. This has nothing to do with what I was talking about, but he might read it here and stop doing it as a result.

I keep thinking "I'll put up some more pics, this blog is getting boring as fuck", but then I don't bother to recharge the camera batteries and can't.

The Trouble With Girls

I'm trying to put together a Christmas party, and I realized that I really don't have any girls on the guest list other than a couple of the guy's girlfriends. That made me think about why it is that I don't really have girlfriends, and why there is a really small list of women I like/respect.

1. This first point will blame me. I'm not the best at returning calls, meeting up for gab sessions or generally maintaining female friendships, they really do require so much more work and attention than men require, and I'm a bit lazy and uninvolved overall.

2. I really don't like analyzing relationships and trying to figure out what went wrong and why, and what slight nuance of language or movement might have caused Man A to completely lose it and dump Girl B... I might have been a little more like that in Junior High, but by High School, that stuff became boring to me. I might still enjoy mocking an Ex's flaws or less desirable characteristics, but that's about making myself feel better in that time honoured human tradition of knocking others down to build yourself up, so it really doesn't count.

3. I am NOT huge on shopping. If I could shop via the internet for everything easily and cheaply and be assured of the quality etc. I absolutely would. I just find it depressing and quite frankly pointless to wander a shop gazing at items you cannot afford.

4. I despise "chick flicks". The ONLY movies I like that might be considered chick flicks are Marilyn Monroe ones. And I think that is because I CAN TELL that that woman was not as dumb and girly as she comes off.

5. I like video games, beer and eating. I will not eat a damn salad so that some guy thinks I'm not a pig. I AM a pig. I WILL eat a pizza with my hands (can you believe some people knife and fork pizza?), lick my fingers clean and go straight to a huge bowl of ice cream or maybe potato chips.

6. I don't wear make-up every single time I have to leave the house, in fact, mostly I can't be bothered. I also don't usually ask men how I look in things. If you don't like me, that is fine with me, I wasn't dressing for you anyway!

7. If bad driving is going on, 9 times out of 10, a woman is behind the wheel. The teenage boy could give a good challenge to the bad driving title I suppose, as could both sexes over 65.

8. I hate how competitive women are about the stupidest things. Talking to another girl's boyfriend however innocently can often lead to at least dirty looks. Women are so insecure as a whole and I don't know what to say to that other than to avoid being around women nearly completely. The whining and bashing of other women that typically goes on when girls get together sickens me. Women seem to care so much about what other women are wearing, doing, etc. and it usually amounts to : "she's a slut" or "she's a bitch". I can't be bothered with this. Men call women sluts too, but that's because they are intimidated and don't want their "sexual superiority" taken away. Either that or they have issues. Yeah guys, some of us are on to you too!

But yeah, I guess I like the boys better overall. They are idiots too, but in a less evil, vicious and purposefully hurtful way.

I think most of the females who might read my blog probably don't fall into the category of woman I am discussing. I'm glad for that.

Blogging

Ha. I wonder if my boyfriend will add any new entries to his blog now that Howard Stern said only gay boys blog and that blogging is for losers.

Personally, I've seen much funnier stuff on blogs than I've ever heard on his show.

Girl Stuff

It's not that I don't believe in romance I just find it embarrassing.

Security

I live in a kind of funny building. It's a nice building, but because it is condos it seems that it has attracted a lot of older people. I must be one of the youngest people who live here (excluding those who live with their parents).

Older people seem to be very hung up on security, more so than most anyway. These are the kind of people who will close the door immediately behind them even if they see you standing there with a key. They seem to look suspiciously at anyone under 50. They have a sign posted in the underground parking asking you to stop your car after driving in a bit and waiting until the door starts to shut behind you before moving forward to prevent intruders. O.K. fine, I understand this in theory but honestly, what do they really expect me to do if in fact an "intruder" as they call it does try to follow in behind me? Do they really think I am going to confront this person or perhaps back my car over them or into their vehicle? Do intruders typically drive into a garage with a vehicle? That seems bold to me. Anyway, yes, I will stop my car as you wish, but if an "intruder" arrives, I'm sorry, they are getting in.

All I want For Christmas Is December 26

I'm not a huge fan of Christmas. I don't really enjoy the obligatory merry wishing and I really don't enjoy the cheesy holiday programming. I do actually like some of the old claymation style kid's Christmas programs, but I think these have mostly been replaced by sloppily made toy tie-in Christmas specials.

Nothing irritates me more than Christmas Carols. I mean if I had to pick one, I guess I'd go with Carol of the Bells simply for the fact it sounds rather ominous and better suits what Christmas really seems to be about. It's kind of the Exorcist of Christmas Carols. Worst of all are the newer ones. There's that hideous atrocity that is Paul McCartney signing about simply having a wonderful Christmastime. This song makes me feel violent; it has horrid music and this repetitively mundane chorus. Worst of all is this revolting tear jerker called The Christmas Shoes about some poor boy who apparently is covered in dirt from head to toe (we all know poor people don't wash) trying to buy his dying mama some pair of shoes with his pennies so she will look pretty for Jesus when she dies. Apparently all this Victorian style drama reminds the singer of the true meaning of Christmas.

WHO THE HELL WRITES THIS STUFF? More importantly, WHO FRONTED THE MONEY TO RECORD IT?

And really anyway, we all know Christmas is about buying the biggest, bestest, most expensive gifts so everyone knows you have the BEST job and got the biggest bonus this year.

Sandwich Kick

Nearly all sandwiches taste better with a little onion in them.