maybe its time to find a new work radio station since i always immediately turn it down whenever someone walks into my office out of embarrassment - i feel like some middle aged (oh crap, i might actually be that) imbecile who doesn't have a clue what people are listening to these days so clings desperately to the work friendly "retro" genre station except that's not really it, in a way i sort of torture myself with this station so that i have songs I'd forgotten about to plant into peoples heads via lyric filled email. Sometimes they also play songs I haven't thought about since I was a kid in the backseat of mom's ghetto Pinto so that's kind of fun too.

man, i surely need a hobby or four.

I’m sick today man does that ever suck I cant taste anything much and I can hardly breathe and it’s a good thing I havent been smoking for a whole week now, hey maybe im sick from not smoking?

its kind of a grey and crap day out but actually I sort of like it Mondays have a lot of nerve being all sunny and sweet this weather suits it much more and that makes me feel a bit happy. Its kind of retarded when people hate Mondays though isn’t it?

they’ve started showing little house on the prairie at 5 pm every day, I get home just in time for it, awesome. I like the one where Nellie pretends to need to be in a wheelchair so Laura takes her for a walk and pushes her down a hill. Burn!

Hey, we should all be LHOTP friends and talk about our favourite episodes. I also like the one where Pa makes the special shoe for the uneven leg girl AND the one where Mr. Olesons sister is the circus fat lady OH there are too many great ones really right? That Nellie sure was a bitch.


here are some shots of Nellie smiling with her eyes, Tyra would be proud.

when you only have 4 channels to watch you can find yourself sitting in front of daytime emmy programs that go on and on and on and it means little to you because you don't have the cable to actually see any of the shows these people are on.

D is at work at tonight, so i'm here at home cleaning up. D is my boyfriend. That's all i'm going to say about that. I feel like if i say too much, it might jinx things and i don't want to do that. I know that's gay but whatever, i can't help it.

hey i havent smoked since Monday, not bad, eh? Somebody is good for me.

youd think on a friday id have something else to say but fuck it i dont. Err... maybe because on second thought its actually Saturday?



hey did anyone else ever notice that Ridge from The Bold and the Beautiful played bass in this band?

had a speed walk race with crazy, well as much of a race as it can be when only one of you knows you are participating and the other is just crazying along ½ dressed. I picked a point up where I would be crossing the street and made sure I made it there before crazy intersected my path it was a close one because of traffic, my brain seriously debated playing frogger versus crazy catching up and delivering whatever sort of daily special he might have been serving but I made it because he got a little distracted by the table he passed “maybe a good place to sit awhile” he might have thought, “have a little booze picnic” , but I suspect his thoughts were more like “ARGH57093fsd#wsd…” anyway my heart raced a bit that was my excitement for yesterday afternoon, usually there’s someone from team Wackjob in the parking lot I pass through.

it’s a bit hard to write this when I’m being distracted by so rocking a tune as Dream Police. You know that song used to freak me out a little bit when I was in a single digit grade, nonsense about them coming at night and being unable to hide and what the fuck with the white cop outfits I guess white makes it more dreamy or something like that, it sort of made it more gay but I was too young to make that distinction then, it just bothered the crap out of me. Then this kid told me and my friend it was about masturbating, I bet he described it weirder but I dont remember, what kind of loser writes a song about masturbating that's just sad (yeah I know Prince and probably some others, still lame) but anyway I remember the lyrics and that explanation doesn't make sense, I think that guy just wanted to talk about masturbating, fuck kids can be weird especially boy kids.



the students did a little decorating and there is a large grinning plastic pumpkin thing staring at me now from behind the reception area. I imagine I will be looking at that for the entire next month. Just knowing it will be there that long makes me feel a little antsy. I might need to start closing my office door.

oh how I love classy women who talk loudly (LOUDLY, like attention seeking much?) about squat pissing in the bushes and whether it is better to drip in your underwear or wipe with a leaf and OMG WHAT if there were bugs on the leaf and they got in your precious vagina or your BUM and OMG I’d definitely rather get pee in my pants use a leaf, a DOG might have peed there before…wait let’s talk about shitting now…

Yeah that was really nice while I was trying to eat my burrito, thanks girls.

oh look a flower...yes this blog is full of the excitement factor.



someone sprayed this on one of those grey mailboxes, or maybe it's not a mailbox come to think of it I don't know what it is, but anyway someone painted on it and there you go.



this isn't exactly what I wanted this to look like, a bit too black on the edges is my first complaint, I'll mess around with it more later. The picture itself is kind of messed, there was a crackhead/boozehound sit-hiding in a doorway just to the right of this and it made me nervous because I'm nervous at the best of times I think so I rushed a bit and as a result voila, crappy pic to start with, I'll see if I can make it better than this attempt, yeah.

Oh on a sidenote, since I've started listening to radio at work I've gotten to hear a lot of really crap songs... this Kid Rock song they've been playing... are you fucking kidding me with that shit?

ack I feel sick... upset stomach and I feel like my head is gonna explode with HEAT.

there’s this laugh that people seem to develop in an office environment, a little louder than normal, a little more oh, I don’t know, jovial, but in a forced way, like “we sure do know how to have fun here” kind of thing, I’ve never caught on to it, when im being phony I feel like I have a blinding sign flashing on my forehead alternating “FAKE, NOT REALLY LAUGHING, I THINK YOU’RE AN IDIOT, I’M LYING…” that sort of thing, which is why I try not to do it. also, I find it super annoying and I avoid those people that do it a lot.

I suppose maybe some people are actually that way, I can’t imagine what its like to live in that sort of a head.

fuck I need some toning, im a little jiggly in the midsection and my ass seems to want to make a run for the border, if the border were located somewhere around my ankles.

I took a short lunch today because I got bored sitting there looking at our nearly empty city newspaper BY MYSELF in our ghetto lunch room. I didn’t feel like leaving the office though because honestly I’ve lived in this exact neighborhood for over 10 years and so it’s not that exciting to make an escape, you know?

Oh man, you should see my house right now, PIG STY!!

Does anyone have any good methods for quitting smoking because it’s not working for me and I DON’T want any self-righteous advice from ex-smokers OR EVEN WORSE people who have NEVER smoked because seriously what do you know about it fucker other than you feel superior because you never got sucked into an addiction, don’t get on my ass about it, I guess if I die from smoking I’ll have learned my lesson anyway, so save it.
AND P.S. you never smoked folks, I don’t look up to you, just wanted you to know that, ok? Good, glad we went over that.

so yeah anyway, if someone has some reasonable advice, I’d like to hear it. In the meantime, I will probably buy new cigarettes on the way home from work, but I am at least open to the idea of quitting so as far as I’m concerned that’s a step.

OH don’t suggest Zyban, that made me CARAAAAZY!! Sure, my house was top notch clean but only because that was ALL I could focus on/think about every, I mean EVERY minute of every single day and I cleaned until I almost passed out and even when I was lying on the bed trying to get a breather I was still thinking about microscopic dirt marks and dust bunnies and Swiffers through the haze of almost passing out, so no Zyban stuff, k?

Come to think of it though…. Zyban might help me to erase paragraph 2 up there which is actually just a small sentence but since it’s standing alone I guess it is a paragraph oh crap who cares, that was the most boring part of English class.

ok, bye now.

I have to confess, I don’t enjoy U2. I also don’t like listening to Bruce Springsteen, the Beatles, Bob Dylan, the Rolling Stones and many other bands and artists that seem to be held up to some kind of god-like status. Why am I obligated to enjoy something just because the general consensus is that THEY ROCK?

This opinion often leads to heated debates, at least on the part of fans of these performers. I personally don’t give a crap. And you are NOT going to change my mind.

Know what else? Nothing annoys me more than having to listen to some overplayed fucking song (Satisfaction for example) for the Quadrabillionth time, especially around people who act like it’s the first time ever. Ugh, how boring.

Why can’t people move on? Sure in grade 9 I discovered Led Zeppelin for the first time,
then I overplayed them to death like most 13 year olds would anything (the only acceptable time to overplay stuff is as a kid I think) and moved on. There’s the key. I moved on. I can’t sit around listening to classic rock stations and their incessant playing of Led Zeppelin (but only certain songs), their “Led Zeppelin Rock Weekends!” their countdowns of the “best” songs ever which inevitably have the same top 10 songs in the same order as last year (or close to it) and every year before for the past zillion decades.

I won’t get suckered by the 6th or so “this is the last time we drag our rusty old bones out, we promise” Reunion tour most of those bands roll out at $300 a pop whenever they need more drug money or a new shot of ego boosting, the reunion tours that consist of exactly 1 original band member and an assortment of replacements or some gay “tribute” show because the band members are dead or won’t reunite (thank god for small miracles).

Meh, I’m gonna stop now, this subject starts to bore me. Maybe later I’ll make a list of songs that make me want to poke my eyes out. Right now though, my butt is hanging out the top of my pants which came out of the dryer a tad tight. Excuse me while I stand up and give them a pull.

10:30 am update: FUCK ME! I turn on the radio and guess what is playing? FUCKING SATISFACTION!!

I rest my case.

You want to talk about pet peeves? fuck that, pet peeves is too cutesy of a name for how I feel about this shit. oh how I hate you, you disgusting pigs who spit on the sidewalk, fuck! I wish I could make you lick it back up off the ground, hell I wish I could make you go around the city licking it all back up.

Also, this morning I saw someone with big, curly jewish girl partial pony tail hair, just like highschool 1985. Awesome! Gotta love a city that moves forward style wise 1 year for every 15 that actually passes.

I think one of the students is losing it. Split personalities or something, who knows, I find her a-ok but I guess she flips out in class all the time.

Giant ghetto beer bottle outside the school door this morning, classy!

oh p.s. why do so many guys look like douchebags these days?

I walk through here everyday. There's not usually many people around, just the odd smoker trying to waste as much time as possible before going to the hive and a few construction workers who don't seem to be making much progress on repairing the crumbling walls.

Once upon a time I was this little blonde kid with badly home-cut bangs. I still have the badly home-cut bangs. I think we lived in Houston at this point.

I don't remember too much about that except going to school in a station wagon and being afraid of the dog a few doors down.

anyone who actually puts effort into making life more difficult or miserable for another person seriously deserves nothing but the worst to happen to them. And ultimately, I suppose it works out that way since people inclined to spend effort at this sort of thing are generally miserable inside and surround themselves with the lowest common denominator anyway.

it’s a super nice day out and I’d much rather be out in it than sitting down in this basement like school where I can see just a little sliver of outdoors and a tiny bit more than that if I lean my head forward.

it’s already Wednesday if that really means anything which of course it doesn’t.

phone ringing. it’s a call about one of the students, husbands of the muslim women always handle everything regarding the wives, I wonder what that is like really, to sort of remain a child in many ways your whole life, having someone decide what you are going to do. They don’t seem unhappy so maybe it’s a-ok.

I’d like to say ive been paying attention to current events or whatever you want to call it, but I really haven’t so I don’t have anything to say. why do people think its such a bad thing to sort of stay ignorant about that kind of stuff? Honestly, it really doesn’t affect me one way or another. OH… and I don’t just mean I’m ignorant about the important stuff, I’m ignorant about the other stuff too like the new tv shows and the current tv shows and the top 40 charts and blah fucking blah and all that sort of thing oh what? That IS the important stuff?

a couple of weeks ago I ate a bag of Fritos rings every single day. Then we pigged out on barbecue fritos and I thought I was gonna barf central. I think I could hop the ring train again now though… too bad I don’t have any change on me. One lousy dollar is all it takes to suck back a wee bag of ass building rings….