O.K. originally I put this pic up along with a request for people to mention their favorite bad song. The dishonesty of that has been nagging at me for a couple of days now so, I'll admit it. This Eddie Murphy picture seemed to speak to me "I must appear on your blog". That's all there was to it, pure and simple.

So yeah, you don't have to mention your favorite bad song, and I can sleep now with a clear conscience. Oh, and Eddie stays.

Did I miss something? It seems that when I check out other people's blogs... a surprising number of them are written in something that takes me several minutes to recognize as english. Normally I just click away because it's annoying to have to interpret the actual writing, let alone the content. I find extra e's at the end of words, d's instead of t's... a randomly placed x here and there. for example: "aint a baddx daye...kept laughing in class bcos of hormones ...LiFe aiNt aNy diFf.+nOdDx.gEoG LeSsOn waS eDucaTiOnaL..."

Educational. O.K. maybe it was. At least it wasn't english class.

Chex ya ull l8tr. ; )

Sometimes I'm disturbed by the number of things that I really just don't care about. For example:

Politics- I could not care less. I know it's probably ignorant, but I've never voted and my life has not changed in any significant ways as a result. It bores me stupid, so in an effort to remain somewhat intelligent, I stay away.

Religion- Again, who cares? I watch people foam at the mouth in religious debate and laugh. Spend more time worrying about what you are doing day to day and less time worrying about some book and how everyone else is not following it properly. I think religion is for insecure people who can't think for themselves, or are too guilty to.

Actually, those are the two main ones. Everything else is really trivial. I mean, for example, if you just got dumped, don't come to me with your tales of woe. I find it hard to even pretend sympathy. Shitty I know, but who has time to listen to this kind of crap?

Mental block. I'm suffering a complete creativity breakdown. I thought the week would be good, it started off well.

I need to get out of the house, mingle and get inspired. I'm getting too comfortable lazing about at home.

Self identity is a strange thing isn't it?

I came across a page of photographs this afternoon. A series of bondage photographs actually. The funny thing is, the person in these pictures had taken the photographs themselves, all taped and tied, sitting on the toilet snapping in the mirror.

Now what on earth are you thinking while you're sitting there on the toilet after having taken the utmost care in binding yourself just so. Pointing the camera at the mirror, making sure all your hard work is captured.

Seriously, what are you thinking about?

I got sucker punched by a smell memory in the elevator today. This would have been ok had I been able to identify exactly why that particular sickly sweet floral grandmother scent bothered me on such a visceral level. But I could not quite place it and as a result, thick panic rose in my throat and I practically ran off the damn lift when it reached my floor.

I felt instantly fine. I was worried that the smell would have penetrated my clothes, it had that much presence.

Not much to say today. I've just been working on some of these images. Insomnia seems to be back tonight. I'll write tomorrow.

Personally, I'm trying to narrow it down to the ones that count...

My Version of The Swan, as performed on my pal Bruno.





I'd be happy to change your life by changing your looks too. Just let me know.

Do you ever watch Candid Camera? Do you know what I always wait for? That one time when someone who has been tricked into taking some fictional desk job picks their nose before the weirdness happens because they don't think anyone is watching.

I haven't seen it happen yet.

A conversation about Bleach and Shit

DC says:
The man loves bleach!
Tracey says:
Bleach smell is nauseating
Tracey says:
really not a pleasant smell for home
Tracey says:
smells like death and dying actually
Tracey says:
hospitals and disease
Tracey says:
not welcoming at all
Tracey says:
that was a little poem!
DC says:
How about using it once a week maybe as a cheep disinfectant to clean the bathroom or maybe to clean the counters after having raw chicken on them. But not 3 times a day to do dishes.
Tracey says:
Look into Chlorox bleach wipes. Bleach... but not so much the bad smell. I have them and they are nearly tolerable
DC says:
I had them in the bathroom.
Tracey says:
do you guys splatter shit the can by the way? If it's just the two of you... I can't see how bleach should figure into the equation regularly
DC says:
Expensive though.
DC says:
Splatter shit the can?
Tracey says:
i dont know
Tracey says:
you know what i mean
DC says:
is that a new term I should be aware of
Tracey says:
no i made it up
DC says:
Splattershit. It should be one word
Tracey says:
yes thats a good suggestion
DC says:
Will you put it on your blog?
Tracey says:
I was just thinking that.

So here it is. This is what happens when you don't drink on the weekend.

You know what really fucking annoys me? This attitude people seem to have that once you are over 30 you should just hook up with whoever will have you. Like Im not allowed to have a type anymore. Well screw that, I do have a type (Sam Roberts are you reading?), and I'd rather be alone than settle. I don't like businessmen either. I won't like 'em when I'm 40 and I won't when I'm 50.

The moral of the story? Stop trying to convince me why I should go out with you. If I should, I won't need convincing.

Just got back from a bridal shower. I strongly support eloping if you simply must get married. I tried marriage once and honestly, it really kind of sets the stage for all sorts of levels of dissatisfaction.

I was true to my word and did nothing at all this weekend as far as going out with friends. It's been a long weekend, but on the plus side, I don't have to wrack my brains trying to figure out if I should be embarrassed for anything I did.

Tomorrow, I'm going to get some art supplies. I've got a few ideas going (again, losing my job has started the creative juices a-flowing, it's just been great!) Now if only I had something interesting to say....

If I make myself a better person, will I still have any friends? Will they appreciate my newfound clarity or will they expect me to start spouting self help mumbo jumbo and start staying away in anticipation?

That just wouldn't be my style. But I bet they don't know that. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone.

Do you ever watch TV just because you know it's going to piss you off? I have a bad habit of watching things like Entertainment Tonight or Extra simply because I don't give a good goddamned about celebrity news, and for some reason I seem to like the angry feeling it stirs up when they report on Nicole Kidman's fashion sense or J Lo's latest boyfriend. I'd like to think of it as a harmless way to dispose of hostility.

Nobody will watch TV with me anymore because I can't hold back my running commentary.

Purchasing books is something I will never stop doing. I can't even begin to understand anyone who doesn't read, or even worse, reads things on the internet ( I mean full novels, newspapers etc., even I get a kick out of reading people's personal writings). Nothing, NOTHING compares to the smell and feel of a brand new book, taunting you to open it up, knowing that you will then have trouble putting it down again. I LOVE it, and am totally addicted.

I've been trying this new experiment lately, where I am conscious of how I am feeling at any given time, almost like observing a movie from the inside, rather than just going with the moment and being. It's great, because I am becoming so aware of the little nuances of emotion, the ones that I might normally not even notice. I'm paying special attention to smells, sounds and even how the air feels at specific moments where my emotions are either very high or low. I think this will help me figure out how to actually enjoy things more. I'm hoping anyway.

I really like this sign. To me it basically means "hey, don't shit on my day at the beach".

If I dislike my ex so much... why do I check to see if he is online on Messenger? Pathetic. I am pathetic. And a bit lonely too. I seem to have forgotten how to meet men. When I do meet them, they live far away. Dammit, it's not like I define myself through coupledom, but really now, I'm getting sick of not having someone to do things with.

I finally went grocery shopping. It's been about a month and I've been living on an assortment of fast food, all of which continually gives me the runs, but for some reason I continue to eat it. Anyway, I cooked for myself tonight, and got the fucking runs again anyway. So I guess it doesn't matter what the hell I eat anymore.

The books I ordered came today, except one which is out of stock right now and happened to be the one I was most looking forward to. (The Fortress of Solitude - Johnathan Lethem). It would have been nice to have today given all the washroom trips I had to make.

I'm going to use this weekend as a detox weekend... of the mind and body. It will probably be extremely boring as a result.

I have a job interview today. Wish me luck, although it is nice to be off for a bit, AND I still get paid from my last job until July which means there is no huge sense of urgency to land this. It's absolutely great outside today, so I'm going to cut this short and head out for a bit.

It's Earth Day here now. Does anyone care?

There used to be some self serving comments about my ex in this entry, but I bored even myself with them and so removed them.

I'm going to start learning how to play guitar. I've been putting it off for about a year. I'm looking forward to it. That is the good thing about being single. Freedom to do WHATEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT!

Garnier Ads are embarrassing. Every time one of their "Look how hip I am" commercials comes on, I have to change the channel. And sweet Jesus, they show you how to achieve such stylin' looks as the "faux hawk" on their website. Do you think under his model's veneer this boy feels as stupid as he looks? If a gang of Garnier models came walking down the street at me, I'd cross to the other side. Not because of intimidation, but because I would not want to be seen near them.

Is it inappropriate that I sang Baby Got Back at Karaoke Monday? I don't actually like big butts....I guess I can lie...

A short story about a boy who didn't get to ride

A couple of months ago... actually I guess it was about 6... this very young guy was apparently interested in me. We are talking 20 yrs. old kind of young. Biologically anyway, I could have been this guy's mother. He claimed he was bisexual, but this is a guy who had never had a girlfriend, had just had a boyfriend, was well known to my gay male friends and had taken a male to his high school graduation dance. Now, I'm not being judgemental, and rarely am about anything significant... but I really think there is a lot less bisexuality involved than homosexuality outright and plain.

Funny thing though... it was the age that turned me off most of all. I like younger men, but that's ridiculous. And he called me and called me and called me...

I need someone to kiss. I miss kissing more than I miss actual sex. It doesn't help that I am attracted to beautiful, tragic messes of guys.