It’s interesting to me how we cling to the past, at least a lot of us do, I’m as guilty as anyone in that respect. It’s fairly useless, isn’t it. I’m quite determined to get on with things now, focus primarily on the immediate; even what’s ahead is of only finite consequence, particularly if you consider that you may not even be around when that distant moment arrives.

I suppose what is depressing then is that you have to sort of clean house; determine which things in your life are genuinely current and which things are hanging on from the past unproductively. It’s a comfort thing for most right? It’s easy to be around the familiar, even if it’s not really contributing anything to your life. At the same time, I suspect that those people who are genuinely happy are those that are living in the moment. It’s a cliché of course, but in this case, I think it’s one that might be useful to consider taking on.

The thing that got me thinking about this was the smell of today. I write about smells a lot I’ve noticed; they tend to throw me backwards in time quite violently and always with a very visceral bitch slap. Today didn’t smell like any particular day but rather a segment of time; that is often the case. It was the smell of sad which wouldn’t have been immediately apparent to most people. It was so fresh and hopeful outside, but I suspect things were going stale and bitter for me the last time I really stopped to notice that particular smell, that would explain the gut lurch I felt.



Funny thing, I really like being alone. When I try to imagine another relationship, I kind of feel sick. I don’t think I can do it again, I don’t think I want to. How many times do you want to get your heart drop kicked, regardless of your best intentions? Me, I’ve reached my limit.

I hate what I’ve just written here. It bores me senseless. I’m going to take my camera out later on today and see what I can capture. Then I might go for a beer with a friend. We’ll see what the day brings, later is too far ahead for me to really know yet!