im sorry occasional viewers of this page for the fact that I am a fickle blog friend who doesn’t always check in or let you know what’s going on and sometimes things happen that you might even be interested in and I don’t bother to tell you about it and if I were you I wouldn’t be my friend anymore because really how shitty is that of me? and I suppose the key to having a good blog as I hear over and over is to be consistent and to write no matter what EVERY DAY and possibly more than once a day but I have to point out that if that is not who I am authentically (oh shit, is that a dr phil type fucking word) then why should I have to? I don’t know if that makes me less of a writer so much as the shitty content makes me less of a writer, right?

So basically, you can keep checking back if you like, and the fact is I will always come through at some point, like right now, I feel that maybe there are some good stories brewing in me, I know there are, some would even surprise you if I decided to tell you, and I can’t tell you when they will make it here but they WILL and you can either check or you can give up and I am in agreement with either of those decisions yes.

do you remember when LOTS of people read this blog and I would get tons of comments? No probably you don’t because those people are pretty much gone now, understandable. Yeah, I think it fell apart from there because I reluctantly accept what seems like being stared at in the zoo even though I put this up and so clearly I am asking for it and probably even hoping for it because isn’t that kind of why everyone puts this stuff up? Otherwise, I could just have conversations with myself in the mirror (which by the way, I sometimes do, I’m a great listener and pretty witty too) and save myself the typing stress, oh where was I going with this? Oh yes, that then I sort of stopped writing a lot or about things that were maybe interesting and then I really gave up because I guess I got sucked up by having a stupid relationship that drained me mentally and I had nothing left for you lot or even myself and now it’s a bit hard to get back into the habit even though things are pretty nice for me, maybe nicer than they have been ever (except for work, ugh I won’t bore you) fuck I said nice, is there a worse word in our language to describe anything, its almost an insult to call something nice come to think of it, so I take it back things are pretty super fucking great, how is that, better?

I would like to get up and walk out of this office right now and never come back, never explain why I left, just disappear, I wish I had the balls and when I say balls I mean money in the bank because I definitely have the balls to do it but I don’t have the funds to follow through, but that is my fondest daydream fantasy right now I can picture every fucking beautiful second and footstep of it, and who knows I may get pushed to it sooner than later, some things are worth poverty absolutely.

talk to you later.