im sitting in this stupid cave of an office, artificial lighting, less than great air, I just realized that the PUMPKIN HEAD that stares at me is NOT on the door anymore and I didn't move it, what the hell is up with that? That is the 3rd time it has "moved". I guess maybe it just fell, good.

this time of year has a smell that makes me feel both warm and cosy and hopeful and also like i want to throw up because i get this sort of hollow feeling in my stomach that means loss or something bad is coming. I don't know why, but it happens every year, i can't even write about or explain this well for some reason, i dont know why and then i think i shouldnt say these things because they make me sound crazy or damaged or something and if anything makes people want to hightail it it's crazy and damaged, that's a general societal rule or something, right?

somedays I feel so untalented and i wonder if i will ever do anything more than make a mess...