If they do not close the door SOON and stop the flow of icy air from freezing me to fucking DEATH I am going to lose it. I feel like I am sitting in a fucking refrigerator right now, no exaggeration on that.

Been watching the latest season of Dexter, John Lithgow’s character is uber creepy, I almost don’t want to watch, total bad stomach feeling when his scenes are on and definitely nightmare material, I dunno, maybe I’m sensitive? I need a Little House on the Prairie or The Waltons marathon after that anyway.

You know, for the last 15 years I’ve been in relatively long-term relationships (2 for 5 plus years each and now this one)yet for some reason I always feel this weird disconnect from the other person, maybe it’s me, but it always seems like I am not really something that is taken as serious and I don’t think I’m usually a person who really plays into their future plans and that is a very depressing thing but I’m hanging in there, I’m good at that anyway, and I always try not to let it get me down but you know, when you start to genuinely get old like I am, it creates a little more panic than it used to. I wonder what it is about me? I must just be attracted to people with the same sort of personality, that could be it, the kind of men who don’t ever really compliment you or talk about you in context of some future time or even get involved in really making any future sort of committed plans with you, it’s almost like I’m a convenient pit stop on THEIR life journey. I can write this because my current doesn't read my blog anymore (not sure why, I think he doesn't want to know what I'm thinking about things maybe), actually, I think that's a good thing, I don't feel like I need to censor, not that I would anyway.

I’d like to think there is nothing wrong with me as a person, but maybe there really is. It’s really starting to make me insecure.

Oh man, I LOVE this crazy little house in the woods!!