so as you have probably noticed, I've been all over the place lately, lots weighing on my mind. I've been making myself sick actually... I've had the worst health ever in the past few months, been anxious with tons of panic attacks... things I thought I was over. It's not been fun. I realize and see what I need to do to move myself forward now. My expectations for my life need to be met by ME. I forget that sometimes, get caught up in the chaos of interactions you know? And ultimately, we cannot control anything but what we ourselves do. With a few digressions, I have basically conducted myself in a loving and honest way. That's all I can do. That's all any of us can hope to do really. Then, you can only hope that the same is returned to you. It isn't always, is it. I've neglected friends, I've neglected myself, I've cut myself off from people for no good reason really... I want to live for the now. So.... I've decided FUCK the past, today can only be what I make it, so I'm going to start making it what I want. Tomorrow... well that never comes so they say, right? So fuck that too.

Step one starts now.