it occurs to me that not only am I not cool, I am particularly uncool, however the depth of uncoolness I possess may in fact be so deep as to almost come full circle to cool, what?

Seriously though, I’ve always been a dork, and regardless of any so-called “bad” things I may have done (and mostly those things aren’t particularly shocking), I’ve been painfully self-aware of being good and not stepping out of line with people and staying somewhat quiet and in the background.

I prefer reading to almost anything in the world (except maybe horses) and my brain is always skimming around in the clouds pondering different ways of getting out my sometimes abstract thoughts although more times than not they get jammed into a sort of idea closet to collect dust and be forgotten. I find it very hard to put things into action and it might be that I take more excitement out of the idea creating and planning process than the actual production process which I often have zero patience for. It’s terrible and drives me crazy, my inability to dedicate any amount of time to an individual project; doing so frustrates me and makes me feel anxious, as though I need to rush through to the final product or give up all together.

I don’t like confrontation. Sometimes in my personal life I keep trying even though it’s evident that things have run their course. I suppose at times I have a hard time believing in my own value; this allows me to accept things that I don’t want to or shouldn’t have to. At the same time I know that if I demanded certain things in my life I WOULD meet someone willing to accommodate those needs happily and fully.

I contain too much optimism which I hide behind a biting pessimism; that one has a lot of people fooled; people who think I am actually very dark, which is not true. I carry a lot of guilt at times due to my treatment of people in my past. This is not necessarily a bad thing as it motivates me to treat people better now.

I think I have zero sense of style but I’m ok with that. I have everything from multi-colour pseudo tie-dye paisley crap to black and red PVC in my closet and will wear that and everything in between depending on my mood or what I’m going to be doing that day. I sometimes think that although it is a GOOD thing to look so much younger than I really am (41 soon to be 42) it also means that I don't get taken as seriously as I might otherwise; people often treat me as much younger and inexperienced, especially in the workplace. At the same time, I really don't want a middle-management style makeover!

O.K. my attention span tells me that this is no longer of interest. Bye!