The most common despair is ... not choosing, or willing, to be oneself

*thanks to Vadergrrrl for the thought provoking post that inspired this.

I created the image above many months ago when feeling particularly frustrated. I recall I had listened to an infuriating discussion some men were having about women and their sexuality. It came to mind again yesterday because of a post I read on a blog and a message board on Yahoo.

I don't know if any of you ever go on the Yahoo Message Boards; sometimes I do. It seems whenever there is a topic about anything sexual, most men begin to bash the women. Words like slut, whore, golddigger, bitch... you name it, are thrown about with glee. I sometimes wonder if men realize what a disservice they are doing THEMSELVES by behaving this way.

Personally, I enjoy sex. I don't use sexuality as a means of controlling a man or getting my way. I like to think that sex is something two people (or more if that's your thing!) do for any number of reasons, be it love, lust, release... I've never understood why women's sexuality is so threatening until I thought about it and decided it is because some MEN have given women a power, whether they realize it or not, and this power is an unhealthy one that often backfires.

The majority of men who seem to bash women also seem to be the same men who pick up women via flashy cars, money, bragging... essentially buying a woman's time. Is it so difficult for them to realize then that you get what you pay for? What you put out in the world is what you receive back? That if you portray yourself as materialistic and shallow, that's probably what is going to come to you? That if you have decided you will only date women who look like Playboy models and don't have any particular interests that conflict with YOUR desires, then that is EXACTLY what you will get? And why don't men realize that this type of association is A LOT more demanding and tedious than dealing with a woman who has her own identity, not one based on Men's supposed desires? Women perceive this sort of attitude and often feel they have to behave in a defensive (read: bitch) like manner in order to stay above water. And men have helped encourage women to use sex as a commodity, something to give in exchange for the money, gifts and time. No wonder then that if you get it from some women, they feel entitled to these things, sex has become an item of trade beyond the world of prostitution.

In this way some men have also helped create the very golddiggers they profess to hate. Don't advertise the car, money and job if you want to attract a woman interested in more than those things. If that IS what you do, don't complain when you get THE VERY THING YOU ASKED FOR.

Let's clear something else up too. Women who have sex are not uniformly tainted, dirty, messed up... they are human. Women who have sex with no remorse and no guilt are not whores, they are healthy and probably a lot more rational than a woman who let's you presumably "coerce" her into sex, or who won't have sex with you until you have delivered an adequate number of benefits (money, car, etc.).

I could go on and on and on here, but I think you get the point. If more men could embrace female sexuality and chill out with the negative terminology for women, we could all get a long a whole lot better. I mean somewhere under there you actually do like us, right?