All I want For Christmas Is December 26

I'm not a huge fan of Christmas. I don't really enjoy the obligatory merry wishing and I really don't enjoy the cheesy holiday programming. I do actually like some of the old claymation style kid's Christmas programs, but I think these have mostly been replaced by sloppily made toy tie-in Christmas specials.

Nothing irritates me more than Christmas Carols. I mean if I had to pick one, I guess I'd go with Carol of the Bells simply for the fact it sounds rather ominous and better suits what Christmas really seems to be about. It's kind of the Exorcist of Christmas Carols. Worst of all are the newer ones. There's that hideous atrocity that is Paul McCartney signing about simply having a wonderful Christmastime. This song makes me feel violent; it has horrid music and this repetitively mundane chorus. Worst of all is this revolting tear jerker called The Christmas Shoes about some poor boy who apparently is covered in dirt from head to toe (we all know poor people don't wash) trying to buy his dying mama some pair of shoes with his pennies so she will look pretty for Jesus when she dies. Apparently all this Victorian style drama reminds the singer of the true meaning of Christmas.

WHO THE HELL WRITES THIS STUFF? More importantly, WHO FRONTED THE MONEY TO RECORD IT?

And really anyway, we all know Christmas is about buying the biggest, bestest, most expensive gifts so everyone knows you have the BEST job and got the biggest bonus this year.