I think my older blog posts were much more revealing and entertaining and spontaneous then when i was in a relationship everything in my head shut down and i'm only just now waking up again having ended that relationship in March.

Funny thing about ending a long term relationship I find i start to fall in love with people briefly here and there but not for real i have all these romantic notions of strolling with a beautiful boy eating exotic meals and sitting by lakes and kissing in smoky club stairwells and living in a one room flat with a hot plate and nothing but each other falling asleep slightly drunk with the taste of whiskey and the smell of his skin just there under your nose and the window wide open and nothing on but the moonlight and hey that's great...

and then I know that the reality of that would actually make me hate whatever beautiful boy i was with because nobody can live on those things except in books and sometimes movies and i'm too old for this story anyway.

but i still can't stop thinking about it sometimes, you know?