I’m trying really hard to quit smoking, it’s difficult and there are many triggers. Alcohol is a big one. I don’t even really enjoy drinking without a cigarette, true story and a lame one. It’s hard when you have beer around a lot etc. to avoid wanting to smoke, ultimately you kind of have to avoid the drinks too. I suppose that’s not such a bad thing either.

Once over the summer, the boyfriend was going to move out on me and apparently the reason was that I was still smoking. I’m still nervous about that one… it felt a bit unfair. I suppose I could have said ok then go, and that probably would have been the end of the relationship and maybe that was what was supposed to happen? Ever since then, I’ve been wondering what the reason will be next. Ah, sweet insecurity, people don’t realize how their actions slam down other people’s esteem.

Writing this has made me want to smoke.