I am skipping french class tonight, man I can't bear the thought of sitting another 3 hours at a desk, FUCK do you know that is basically ALL I fucking do?  I can easily be tied to my desk for 8.5 hours a day, some days I don't even get up to go to the fucking bathroom, WHAT THE HELL no wonder I feel like I am going to go crazy.

I need a good long walk for starters and so I will do that instead of sitting in class, end of story. I might do 45 minutes in the gym before the long walk to release the aggression that this sedentary lifestyle is creating in me.  Something's gotta give.  I CAN'T EVEN SEE OUTSIDE FROM THIS DESK!!  Man, I sure do have sympathy for caged animals because basically that's what I am.

Yes I know, people should do what they want to do and make your own life etc. and yes that is a wonderful thought process but NOT practical, seriously I am in no position to toss it all up and just make a go of anything at this point, there are things like paying for your home, your bills, eating, running your car, these are things that are kind of important and cannot just be ignored OH let's add paying $500 per month towards your student loan, yeah, people do it, but usually they have something to help them get by on while they do it; a spouse, a loan, a grant, government assistance by claiming disability (oh yes, people do that, I personally know two people who have and continue to, I would refuse to stoop), whatever, SOMETHING.  So although I would LOVE that, it isn't practical at this time and hell, maybe it will never be.

Can you tell that I am frustrated?  I am FRUSTRATED.  I feel adrift.  I feel alone.  Sorry, that's just the simple truth right now.  FRUSTRATION is my middle name at this time.

I'll work it out.  At least I'm starting to get some sleep.