Revolting Resolutions

I hate the idea of New Year's Resolutions. It annoys me that people feel they need to come up with a list of "self-improvements" every time January 1st rolls around. It's always "lose weight" or "stop smoking" or "be more organized". It's never "get drunk more often" or "try every drug once" or "stop bathing for 6 months" which at least would be more interesting. It's absolutely lame.

This is what I envision. The next time someone asks me "What's your New Year's resolution this year?" they're going to get a shot in the nose. "Why'd you do that?" "New Year's resolution. I resolved to pop anyone who asks me stupid questions like that in the nose. Perhaps YOUR resolution should be to stop asking people what their New Year's resolutions are. Oh, and just for your own safety, my second resolution was to follow up the pop in the nose with a boot to the ass. You have 10 seconds."

Yep. I can see my cynicism is intact for 2005. Good.