What would you do if you discovered your significant other was looking for work in another province and even country and hadn’t mentioned it to you? What about if you had mentioned that you knew and he STILL didn’t address it with you. What do you suppose that means? Next question, am I completely stupid?

Now this is an older issue and I don’t know if this is still an ongoing search on his part because I don’t use his computer anymore so I don’t see job listings on his top sites page… and quite frankly I don’t want to know I guess. And of course as I've mentioned, he evidently wouldn't tell me anyway. So... of course it’s on my mind and festers away ruining my outlook on things.

So many issues have arisen in what I thought was the best relationship I’d ever had, it initially started off really cool. But it turns out that he can’t seem to be straight forward with me and I can’t address it anymore because the excuse is always based on me; I would have gotten angry, blah blah blah. I think it’s unfair to base poor behavior on how he claims I would have reacted since my bad reaction is based on the dishonesty and nothing more, I don’t believe for one second he actually thinks I’m that kind of over the top, possessive freak, but maybe the ex has him convinced of this, she sounded positively OVERFUCKINGJOYED to make this judgment on me(yeah asshole, interesting that you are judging me on a reaction to YOUR psycho behaviour) , FUCK it sucks.

I’m answering my own questions really aren’t I… I’m chugging along right now keeping on my happy stupidly blind girl face for now knowing full well I might get my emotions smashed right the hell out of my soul any day now, but what if I’m wrong? All this second guessing is going to kill me and I suppose the fact I have to second guess says something too doesn’t it…

I’m a fucking idiot who loves him so I can’t help it and for that maybe I will pay…if and or when this ends I can guarantee you that I will NOT get involved again with anyone who still has an ex calling them and harassing them and acting like a freak and then pretending it’s in the name of friendship. We started out with that from almost the beginning; the fucking bell should have gone off in my head and I should have run until he got rid of her or just never gotten involved if he didn’t. (just to clarify, I have no problem being friends with an ex… I’m friends with several… difference is I SHARE that fact with him… fuck I even showed him my exes Halloween photos! Also, I don’t call my ex and insult his current relationship and vice versa and fuck I wouldn’t allow him to speak shit about my relationship, that would be the end of that, and I DON’T call him every week or even every month over and over and talk like I’m entitled to all his attention and consideration, because guess what, I’M NOT!! I wouldn’t even want to disrespect his current relationship that way.)

I also won’t be with anyone who does/plans life changing shit without even mentioning it to me… I mean we FUCKING LIVE TOGETHER!!

God, it’s so easy for the manipulative and Cuckoo to look like wonderful people when they have nothing to lose and aren’t in the day to day of a relationship anymore, isn’t it… maybe I’m missing out on something truly satisfying and need to find one of my exes to focus so much of my attention on… yeah, don’t see that happening… JESUS.