photo completely unrelated to post. Look, this isn't Time magazine.
there’s a “relationship” concept that I just don’t understand no matter how much I think about it. I’ve never seen it work and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is simply an excuse for someone who doesn’t want to address issues to escape the situation. It’s the whole “taking a break” thing.
Look. You take a break from physical labour. You take a break from drinking too much. You take a break from oh I don’t know, your fucking exercise routine.
You CANNOT really take a break from a relationship and expect that ANYTHING will be any different if you get back together after the break. If anything, things will putt along all brand new like for a short period but look fool, you haven’t fixed the original issue and NOW you’ve added the bullshit of the BREAK and what went on during the BREAK and why didn’t you care enough to fix things instead of running away on the BREAK and all the other uncertainties the BREAK placed on your obviously already damaged relationship. Which was clearly never much of a relationship if you needed to take a BREAK instead of dealing with things.
Oh I'm sure someone will pipe up that "we took a break and things worked out..." only usually I discover that they are STILL talking about a former (and therefore UNSUCCESSFUL)relationship OR one or the other has chosen to ignore the original problem when they "got back together" because they don't want to be alone (and wow, that's healthy).
Breaks create resentment. They create mistrust. They pull a few bricks out of your foundation. They blow a big old cloud of bullshit over the whole mess.
So look. If you want to fuck other people, say so and break up. If you don’t want to talk about or work things out because you have intimacy, communication or whatever problems, say so and BREAK UP. If you are a chicken shit who can’t end the relationship but really want to, well I can’t help you there but you are an asshole who probably should never have passed the hand holding phase of relationships.
But the BREAK as some kind of relationship solution? Yeah. Break THIS and shove it right up your high-school level, mama tit suckling boo hoo baby ass.
6 dirty hippies blowing your mind:
"Taking a break" means you're postponing the inevitable but you're both two weak to just admit things are over.
Agreed. I mean it doesn't work for other relationships, does it? "I'm sick of you nagging me Mom, that's it, WE'RE TAKING A BREAK!" Nope.
my partner and i were together for three years. then we took a break for four years. she lived in the UK, i lived in toronto. we still emailed, talked on the phone, wrote letters during those four years. every reunion was physical, every parting ended with "i love you". we were free to see and sleep with other people. we did.
then we both came back to hamilton, moved in together, and have been together for 10 years. so, 17 years in total. we both agree that had we NOT taken that 4 year break we probably wouldn't have made it.
so where does that leave us, as the anomaly to your diatribe?
sometimes taking a break means having time to reflect without interference, without distraction -- without bias. it means analyzing and coming to terms with and priorizing. it means learning about yourself, and the other person, and what you mean to each other. hopefully, one way or another, it means coming to understand that which eluded you.
not everything is black and white, at least not all the time. sometimes taking a break is exploring the grey area, and figuring out which direction points home. getting your bearing. charting a course.
perhaps, ultimately, taking a break is simply the old adage "if you truly love something let it go ..." in the most literal living sense.
and if it comes back to you? well ...
I think your whole circumstance is very different than what I am
talking about. I could be wrong as I wasn't there... but you guys seem to be a lot more mature (most people would NOT be cool with the sleeping and dating other people if on a break to sort out your relationship, that's just simple fact) and look... given how much you share yourself, your ideas and feelings, right there you are different than the typical guy...
In general you must admit... this doesn't work and what you describe although logical and lovely in theory wouldn't work for most people who WOULD carry resentment.
As usual my good man, you are very much the exception to the rule.
Ms. Jan is most fortunate. As are you.
P.S. for a CHANGE this rant isn't because of anything going on with me personally.
aww, you're very sweet. but i don't think it's necessarily because we are unique snowflakes.
i will say, tho, that perhaps you are right about the sleeping-with-other-people clause. that was probably only workable because we knew that we'd be an ocean apart and for some time. i wonder, could we have done the same thing if it hadn't been a long-distance break?
i do think that a time-out can have it's benefits, tho. kind of like going on vacation by yourself, without the other. just some space to reflect. but perhaps everyone is different, and each relationship unique, and what may work for one may not for another.
how the fuck do i know? who am i, deepak chopra? ;-)
hope you can make it by tonight, btw, it would be nice to see ya. i miss you!
Fucking right.
Thank you. I've always felt the same way.
Viggaz - I definitely think the distance in your relationship must have made it different than most "breaks". Breaks in the same city? Ugh. no good.
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