I'm Still Alive

but broke and therefore without internet access anymore. I plan to be back, hopefully soon, but we'll see how the finances pan out.

I can't be visiting D everyday just to blog can I?

It Should Be Called The Add A Pound To Your Ass Each Month Club

Am I the only one who thinks THIS is strange? I thought it was a joke at first because of this information on the site: "The Bacon of the Month Club is the go-to gift for that person in your life who loves bacon, who has everything or who has very little." I wasn't aware that bacon was a top choice for those with little. Then again, I had no idea there was such a thing as Artisan Bacon, so it seems I have no clue about the world of bacon OR poverty.

I'm not sure there is anything I like enough food-wise that I'd want to receive heaps of it at my door each month.

The quitting smoking thing is on the backburner. If I don't smoke I snack, and quite frankly, I'd rather smoke. Having a beer and a chocolate bar just doesn't cut it.

I do like to Reat though. (Reading+Eating=Reating). I've been known to Reat in the bathtub. Is that disgusting?

Pettitcoats and Penises

I like to think I have a pretty open mind. I can pretty much live and let live, and lots of times I'm pretty intrigued with the shadier/stranger/bizarre side of life. Hell, I was usually the "bad influence" friend in my younger years. But then I see something like THIS and I remember that after all, I'm just a girl from the suburbs, and I'm not fooling anyone. I guess I like my odd a little more manly...

Why

are we all so fucking crazy? And why are some of us not crazy enough?


Blowfly, you rock!

People are Strange

Someone visited my site after doing a search for: Nicole Kidman sitting on the toilet.

Why?

Anyway, you'd be better off trying here: Toilet Museum

Fly Like A Butterfly

Here is the most recent LP purchase we made, Precious Wilson with Eruption. Again, entirely based on the cover. I think right now it's one of my favourites. Click on the pic to get a bigger view.

And Now For Something Lighter... But Not Dietary

Thought I'd get off the serious topics for a bit. I collect albums, for the music, and also for the covers. Here's one you may have seen before. I think it's pretty funny, though she is rather cute. The model was actually pregnant at the time, so the whipped cream served a double purpose of hiding this fact. It was considered pretty risqué back in 1965. I've got stranger ones, I'll post some of them later.

War. Rape. Murder. Poverty. Equal rights for gays. Guess which one the Southern Baptist Convention is protesting?

I don't understand the uproar over gay marriage. I was married once, and I was terrible at it. Made a complete mess of the whole thing, I admit it. Yet somehow, because I have a vagina and like people with a penis, I am free to marry as often I like. I am free to make a mockery of the supposed "sanctity" of marriage because of my sexual preference. It doesn't make sense. What I'd like to know is why are some people so afraid of the idea of two men or two women getting married?

I've heard the religious based arguments, most of them very hypocrital. They tend to involve the aforementioned sanctity of marriage , reproduction and God's will. I find it funny since Jesus seems to have been a pretty liberal thinking kind of guy, what with all the charity work he seemed to have done with prostitutes, "lowlifes" and the like. I'm pretty sure if Jesus walked today, the diehard Fundies would hate him completely for his political views and his appearance.

Most of the arguments I hear can be quickly dismissed since it is easy to trace the comments straight back to hatred. The funniest argument is the assertion that somehow a gay marriage demeans and reduces the validity of a straight couple's marriage. I tend to think that the person saying that might want to re-examine their marriage if somebody else is able to ruin it so easily simply by being married themselves.

Have you ever wondered why these people spend so much time thinking about gay sex? Because that is what every gay issue seems to boil down to for them, sex acts. There must be an awful lot of sexually frustrated people out there.

Things I Am Sick Of Hearing About

1. 9/11 and how it is an excuse for everything the U.S. does. Get over it. It happened. You are NOT the only country to face terrorism on a large scale. I guess that is what bothers me most. Many Americans seem to think it is the only terrorist related event to have EVER OCCURRED. I'm sorry, but I just don't care anymore. If I'm being honest, besides being a little freaked out for a day or two, I never really did care. Not in the way that some people seem to have. The ranting, crying and still talking about it with pain way. Why would I? I didn't know anyone involved. If I had, it would be a much different story, and really ONLY those people should be allowed to ever utter a word about it again. Most people are afraid to be so honest, since then they will seem insensitive. I think people who get all weepy and whine about something that never affected them personally for YEARS need major help. Oh, and only in North America would a terrorist event get it's own catchy name. 9/11. If it had happened on June 25, what would it be called, The 625? The J-25? The June Boom 01?

2. Celebrity dating/marriage. Jen and Ben, Ben and Jen, Brad and Jen.... What the hell is with the Jen's? I don't actually give a crap who fucks who in Hollywood. We all know those marriages are doomed. Yeah sure, you can say that some Hollywood marriages last, but I counter with this: The only Hollywood marriages that really seem to last involve people who DO NOT get leading man/lady roles that involve much sexuality. For the rest, the temptation to date everyone you "fake fuck" is just too great. As it would be for all of us, I'm sure. That's why I'm bored with it. That's why we need to not care anymore.

3. American in-fighting. It's like being at the worst family reunion EVER. Liberals, Conservatives, the slamming never ends. That's not the way to maintain a prosperous and powerful nation. I guess maybe it's always been that way, but honestly, I don't remember it ever being so bad as it has gotten under Bush. I don't understand why people are identifying themselves so strongly with a political party, to the exclusion of common sense and self-thought.

4. Religion. Christianity in particular. Don't get me wrong, they do amuse me, and I love receiving their religious pamphlets etc., makes for great humour reading. But this seeming move back to more religious foundations is sickening. I'm one of those people who really believes religion was designed by man to control man and is used for that same purpose to this day. Someone said something that I agreed with fully. When they come up with an organized religion that doesn't promote violence and hatred in the name of said religion, and where the head of that religion excommunicates anyone who does do something violent or evil in the name of that religion, I might join. The confession/forgiveness thing just seems like a big cop-out wussy way to get to do what you want and still be thought of as better than everyone else.

Buddhism. That doesn't bother me, because they don't bother me.

And now, I will go see what tasty treats are in the kitchen, because it's time for a little positivity, and eating yummy stuff makes me feel very positive. Especially when I am not smoking.

Internet Selling

It's really funny how when you try to sell something on the internet, all these foreign retards* try to pull scams on you. For example, with my guitar, I have had 4 people reply offering to buy the guitar. Here's the catch. They will send me a "Cashier's Check" for like 4-5 times the amount I want for the guitar, then I should immediately wire the difference to their "shipping broker".

How fucking all encompassingly stupid does a person have to be to fall for this? Seriously, if you get taken this way, you more than deserve it.

I've had a lot of fun composing replies to these assholes though. And I'm keeping the guitar after all.

*Not to imply that all foreigners are retards. It just happens that these retards were clearly foreign. Or clearly retarded. I maintain they are both. Most likely from Nigeria or Indonesia. We're talking an email of "every second word spelled wrong" typos. Non-existent grammatical structure. I'm shocked people fall for this. It tells me that many people who speak english as a first language have as little clue about their own language as those that don't. As a result, as mentioned above you again deserve to get taken. I hate stupidity that has no excuse other than laziness.

How To Get Good Service

The next time you are shopping and the clerk is on the phone ignoring you, pull out your cellphone and call them (this of course assumes the store has more than one line. Lots do). They'll serve you pretty damn fast then, and you'll get to see the embarrassed/bewildered look on their face.

I don't have a cellphone, so somebody do this and let me know how it goes.

Selling My Guitar

I've decided to sell my guitar. I could use the money and the thing has been sitting untouched for over a year. It's a shame really.

$425 Cdn. I'm a lefty though, so it's a lefty guitar. Seagull S6+Folk. I really loved how it looked and wanted to play it so bad, but my ambition outweighed the actuality of practice, I guess.

Any takers? This is it right here.

I Write Here To Distract Myself From The Real World

Yeah, I think I really do. I'm a worrier, and my response to all that worry (which at least 60% of the time is based on nothing, I know this) is to distract myself from it.

I'm trying to find a couple of part-time jobs because I really don't want to pursue a "career" anymore. I've done the office thing for ages and I hate it. I wonder why people always equate successful living with having the "right" sort of job. I don't want to have to think too hard for anyone else but myself.

I'm feeling bored, but I can't put my finger on it. I know, being bored usually means you are boring and blah blah blah, and I remember the Pet Shop Boys saying that they were never being boring, but apparently as I recall, that was because of the weird party orgies they were having in the video and something about it seemed kind of sad and desperate, not that the Pet Shop Boys are any kind of gauge on how life should be and really, they are pretty irrelevent, although maybe they were on to something and I missed something really important in their message that would help me now.

I'm quitting smoking. Not as a resolution, but because I'm out of money.

Sometimes I Have Trouble Figuring Out

how to spend my time and so I end up doing weird internet searches for things and sometimes searches for not so weird things like lists of celebrity blogs but that was disappointing because you STUPID celebrities don't even write anything, it's your PR crap or something, or you haven't written anything for months or even YEARS and how do you expect people to care about you if you have nothing to say for god's sake? I know, I know, there's US magazine and such, but maybe I like the immediacy and more importantly the freeness of the internet, and besides, you can tell us the TRUTH of your life online. Now Jeff Bridges, I guess his is kind of good, it's all scanned handwritten shit and weird drawings and maybe he isn't entirely sane. Come to think of it though, I can't even picture what he looks like or anything he has done. So then I get bored and stop looking at them. Then I realize that I don't even care about this celebrity stuff and I REALLY must be bored and stupid, I really only like the scandalous stuff because it's exciting or maybe titillating is the word I want, and there's none of that here. I realize that if I stop typing, then I have nothing to do, but if I keep typing, I will reveal myself to be even more of an idiot than I already have. Decisions.

Every year that passes, I seem to forget how to spell more words, and I used to be a BIGSHIT, CLASS SPELLING BEE CHAMP of a speller.

Revolting Resolutions

I hate the idea of New Year's Resolutions. It annoys me that people feel they need to come up with a list of "self-improvements" every time January 1st rolls around. It's always "lose weight" or "stop smoking" or "be more organized". It's never "get drunk more often" or "try every drug once" or "stop bathing for 6 months" which at least would be more interesting. It's absolutely lame.

This is what I envision. The next time someone asks me "What's your New Year's resolution this year?" they're going to get a shot in the nose. "Why'd you do that?" "New Year's resolution. I resolved to pop anyone who asks me stupid questions like that in the nose. Perhaps YOUR resolution should be to stop asking people what their New Year's resolutions are. Oh, and just for your own safety, my second resolution was to follow up the pop in the nose with a boot to the ass. You have 10 seconds."

Yep. I can see my cynicism is intact for 2005. Good.

Happy

overpriced hangover day to one and all.